tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-123895392011-04-21T10:52:26.344-07:00Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comBlogger1281100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-14359532911234301572008-11-03T06:32:00.000-08:002008-11-03T06:37:21.857-08:00

Lori BorgmanYou can add “folding clothes” to the growing list of obsessions. Turns out an entire generation that worked retail at Gap, Abercrombie, Old Navy and Banana Republic find the folding habit has been sharply creased into their brains.The chairman of the advisory board for the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation was quoted in the Wall Street Journal as saying he has treated people who have

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-47404228953392456452008-10-27T05:31:00.000-07:002008-10-29T14:21:27.286-07:00

Lori BorgmanWe’ve all heard the tales of the football widows and the golf widows, but could we muster up a little something for the bookstore widows?Thank you.The husband loves books. We have a large used bookstore at a major intersection near the house, conveniently located on the way to everywhere.I’m not saying the husband spends a lot of time there, but in six states the store could

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-53224893167772035712008-10-20T05:23:00.000-07:002008-10-20T05:26:59.634-07:00

Lori BorgmanIt is always unsettling when life’s big changes sneak up on you. One day you can do 10 push-ups and the next day your shoulder goes snap, crackle, pop when you raise your arm.Or how about this: You drive through your neighborhood McDonald’s and get a Diet Coke, and two days later you drive by and it has been bulldozed to the ground. They super un-sized it.Or how about this: You go to

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-39234883138446428862008-10-17T06:49:00.000-07:002008-10-17T06:50:10.090-07:00

Lori BorgmanThree sales circulars that arrived by mail all have cover photos of women wearing long, dramatic scarves. Wearing a scarf twirled around your neck is the way to say, “I’m hip” this season. I’d love to say I’m hip with a scarf, except I’m missing one thing -- the neck of a giraffe.I am a member of the short-neck group. I never thought of my neck as short until I wrapped a silk scarf

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-28711344585201529762008-10-06T07:54:00.000-07:002008-10-06T07:56:42.966-07:00

Lori BorgmanLessons in personal finance often come from unexpected places, Washington, D.C., obviously, not being one of them.A favorite picture of my mother shows her standing on a barren snow-covered prairie. The snow is so deep and has drifted so high it nearly touches the sloping roofline of a barn in the background.My mother is all of 20 and has on a stylish A-line coat with a double row of

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-41599574423390977272008-09-29T05:10:00.000-07:002008-09-29T05:11:09.655-07:00

Lori BorgmanI have never wavered in my feelings for fall. Even as a child, when asked to draw a picture of my favorite time of year, though classmates would draw beach scenes with golden sand, starfish and curly blue waves, I remained steadfast. I drew trees and more trees (although they looked a lot like dinner forks), each and every one covered with an amazing array of brightly colored

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-61581057158113590872008-09-22T05:46:00.000-07:002008-09-22T05:47:58.499-07:00

Lori BorgmanWe are a nation divided: those who will stoop over to pick up loose change and those who won’t.Fewer and fewer of us seem to be interested in bending over for pennies, nickels and dimes. Quarters, maybe, but your smaller coins, not so much.I was coming out of a store and saw a kid in front of me look at a dime on the pavement and deliberately step over it. He watched me pick it up and

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-85914823054345987102008-09-15T06:07:00.000-07:002008-09-15T06:10:17.424-07:00

Lori BorgmanSarah Palin exhausts me.Watching her on the tube makes me certain I have iron-poor blood. Staring at all that abounding confidence and endless energy, I grow weaker by the moment.And heels. How does the woman stand it all day in those heels? Has she never known the horror of planters fasciitis? Even her feet are supercharged.The woman manages a family of seven and bounces a

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-68500064716647552092008-09-08T05:19:00.000-07:002008-09-08T05:20:20.400-07:00

Lori BorgmanI bought a gallon of paint recently. If this current trend in naming paints continues, hardware stores will need to bring in upholstered chairs and designer coffee bars. You can’t be sure if you’re reading paint chips or free verse.Gone are the days of Ivory, Pink and Peach. You can find something along the lines of peach all right, but it will be Peach Burst, Peach Fuzz, Peach Slush

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-21723091152209259802008-09-01T03:20:00.000-07:002008-09-01T03:21:49.184-07:00

Lori BorgmanThe security officer at Fort Riley has a neck the size of a mature redwood and a voice to match. “WELCOME TO BIG RED ONE!”For the husband and me, this is our first time “on post” as they say at the Army’s First Infantry Division. We show IDs, vehicle registration and proof of insurance. We must also state our business. Our daughter leans forward to tell security we are dropping her

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-84888433883113526512008-08-25T04:56:00.000-07:002008-08-25T04:58:01.142-07:00

Lori BorgmanNearly one-third of all teens admit to texting while driving, according to an Allstate Insurance ad. I just saw a woman texting while riding a bike.Even more unbelievably, she had three kids in tow. Everybody was wearing a helmet -- safety first and all that -- crossing a busy, congested intersection at a high-end outdoor mall. The woman was a little wobbly on her bike which, I’m just

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-64657877414792811952008-08-18T09:41:00.000-07:002008-08-21T13:15:06.195-07:00

Lori BorgmanWhen I get around to starting my perfect school system, I’ll be bringing back recess three times a day.“What’s your favorite part of school?” When I went to school, every kid had the same goofball answer: “Lunch and recess.” Kids who didn’t answer “lunch and recess” were shunned and had the air let out of their bicycle tires.Today, there are kids who don’t even know what recess is.

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-61802541093225789752008-08-11T04:37:00.000-07:002008-08-11T04:38:28.388-07:00

Lori BorgmanToday’s question: Is there such a thing as a friendly honk?The youngest -- and best -- driver in the family, if you can overlook the fact that she refuses to stop on long road trips -- and I were at a red light. The driver in front of us was looking at himself in his mirror, fixing his hair, when the light turned green.We waited, three, four seconds, and then agreed we should give a

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-57680448504689194122008-08-04T04:45:00.000-07:002008-08-04T04:47:39.348-07:00

Lori BorgmanThere were three witnesses to the loss – a rabbit, a grackle and a dog. Oh, it’s not like they were any help. The dog simply peered through the fence, the rabbit took off running and the grackle stayed to sneer. I’d forgotten about the unfortunate incident until a woman in line at the grocery store mentioned losing the diamond from her ring. She was pretty sure it went into a batch of

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-78619033078804335492008-07-21T09:20:00.000-07:002008-07-21T09:21:39.016-07:00

Lori BorgmanA piece in the New York Times Style section speculates that young men are letting their pants sag because the stock market is sagging, the same way women’s hemlines fell after the stock market crash of 1929.The theory is a stretch. Just like that stretch from where the waistbands of those pants should be to where they really are.What are the chances that a lot of these fellows let

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-69914936841023779882008-07-14T13:05:00.000-07:002008-07-14T13:06:33.777-07:00

Lori BorgmanIs the microphone on? Good, because I’d like to pick up where the Rev. Jesse Jackson and Barack Obama left off. Testing. One, two, three. We’re live? Great.Here’s the deal. What Obama said in the black church in Chicago about men needing to take responsibility for the babies they father, about paying child support, about families turning off the television and unplugging the video

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-45185242496653133922008-07-07T04:56:00.000-07:002008-07-07T04:58:01.906-07:00

Lori BorgmanThe day I choose to spend with our son and his wife in their condo in Chicago was the same day the two of them decided to turn off their air conditioning. Lucky me.I walked in, and after a respectable amount of time (three seconds), said, “Hey, it feels like a steam bath here.”“Yeah, it is kinda warm,” the son said, mopping his brow. “We turned off the air conditioner. We’re

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-39280189041844622372008-07-01T07:04:00.000-07:002008-07-01T07:08:46.557-07:00

Lori BorgmanI have been both privileged and humbled to see a cross section of America. In the past few years, speaking invitations have taken me across the country, into a residential facility for juvenile girls, to a funeral director’s convention, a fish fry for cattle breeders, the U.S. Capitol building and an all-male college. I am proud to be an American, and I’d like to tell you why:If I am

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-63002309836133298562008-06-23T05:38:00.000-07:002008-06-23T05:41:06.777-07:00

Lori BorgmanI have come to the conclusion that a funeral is like a wedding in reverse. With a wedding, you tend to a thousand details for months in advance and then have the big event. With a funeral, you have the big event and then tend to a thousand details in the months following.It is amazing how many loose ends linger behind us after we depart. Some are funny, some are frustrating, and

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-78905748677526547622008-06-16T14:49:00.000-07:002008-06-16T14:50:25.527-07:00

Lori BorgmanI've never had to start over. At least not completely. And not from scratch.Sure, I’ve had to start over in the kitchen a number of times -- cooking endeavors that wound up in the trash, down the disposal or simply went up in flames. But there were always more ingredients in the cupboards. And yes, I’ve had to start over on painting projects (too pink), wall papering (crooked stripes)

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-55926871862660255432008-06-09T05:16:00.000-07:002008-06-09T05:18:47.151-07:00

Lori BorgmanAfter my father had surgery for pancreatic cancer and was told he had six months to live, he came home from the hospital and found that some certificates of deposit had come due at the bank. He could renew them for seven months or 13 months – he took the 13.Three months after his surgery, we drove him to Nebraska and went out to dinner with one of his brothers, who also had cancer.

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-48026485233114254552008-06-03T05:45:00.000-07:002008-06-03T05:47:28.750-07:00

Lori BorgmanWhen it comes to living simply, I believe the Amish may be a tad cluttered.You might find that hard to believe were you to, oh, say try and close our kitchen junk drawer. Or see the hall closet that should be roped off with yellow caution tape. Yet I sincerely believe less is more.I am magnetically drawn to the slick magazines touting simple living. Beautiful pictures of organized

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-71940100680252690602008-05-27T14:42:00.000-07:002008-05-27T14:44:39.009-07:00

Lori BorgmanLudwig, who mans the front desk and broke the news, wore a pale blue shirt and lavender tie. What you wear is important when you pay your last respects. The rest of us wore workout pants and old T-shirts. There’s no accounting for taste at the neighborhood gym.The gym with the leaky roof and faulty air conditioning was shutting its doors. Not exactly a shocker, but still, this was it,

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-31760953821662811372008-05-12T05:08:00.000-07:002008-05-12T05:11:36.372-07:00

Lori BorgmanWe have been feeding a feral cat for two years now. For a relationship built on mutual hostility, we have made remarkable progress.Some people have said that she is a cat with an attitude - capital A -- but I think they are simply dog people who don’t understand that her aloofness is not attitude, merely personality. She’s a fine looking feline, a tuxedo, all black with a white bib

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-88392511277614678112008-05-05T05:31:00.000-07:002008-05-05T05:33:38.574-07:00

Lori Borgman The buzz over the seductive picture of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus is a story about quitting. In the beginning, Miley Cyrus really was the good girl. She was fresh, young and wholesome, much to the delight of Disney, the bean counters who drooled over the Disney coffers and the millions of young girls who watched her popular show. But time passed and being fresh, young and wholesome grew

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-73667239862937687942008-04-28T11:46:00.000-07:002008-04-28T08:46:25.196-07:00

Lori BorgmanIt is safe to say that here in the Midwest, we take thunderstorms, tornadoes, hail, lightning strikes, droughts, blizzards, and even locust, in stride. We are reasonably comfortable with seven out of 10 Old Testament plagues. We are not people prone to panic.We are the land of extra batteries, spare flashlights, bungee cords and bright blue tarps. We’re cool. We know how to handle to

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-14898964143665183072008-04-21T08:33:00.000-07:002008-04-21T05:33:20.336-07:00

Lori BorgmanTime magazine reports that you can now hire personal paparazzi to follow you around like you’re some big-shot celebrity. You can pay freelance photographers to chase you, shove cameras in your face and shout intrusive personal questions. Apparently it’s becoming the next big thing for teen birthday parties and GenXers.Why should young people have all the fun? I’m wondering if it might

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-58795296587896058072008-04-14T13:53:00.000-07:002008-04-14T11:56:49.111-07:00

Lori BorgmanIn terms of embarrassment, drafting a university honor code that discourages plagiarism, and then finding out the code itself had been plagiarized, would be right up there with walking across a commencement stage with toilet paper stuck to the heel of your shoe.Note the red faces on students at the University of Texas at San Antonio. Oh, well, at least their shoes look clean.Students

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-45917624574811349722008-04-07T08:29:00.001-07:002008-04-07T05:27:23.355-07:00

Lori BorgmanThe college kid asked if I thought she should wear a light jacket or a heavy coat the other morning. “The opposite one,” I said.It’s spring, that time of year when no matter which one you wear, you will wish you had something else.Spring is the Whack-A-Mole season. Popping up here, popping up there. A crocus here, a daffodil here, the promise of warmer days quenched by a sudden freeze

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-14479053463231259852008-03-31T12:15:00.000-07:002008-03-31T12:21:04.829-07:00

Lori BorgmanIn our never-ending quest to ensure that our children are safe, protected, risk-free, germ-free and sanitary, we give a nod to gLovies, plastic gloves for children, described as a "simple yet brilliant solution to the 'don't touch that!' problem."I thought the "don't touch that" problem was solved by giving the child's hand a light rap and saying "No!" but such action is probably

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-82374365006653521432008-03-24T04:05:00.000-07:002008-03-24T04:08:56.098-07:00

Lori BorgmanI believe you should hang onto a decent mechanic for the same reason you should hang onto a decent husband: It’s too much work to break in a new one.We’ve been going to Don for about eight years now, and I must say his diagnostic skills are progressing nicely.For instance, I go in with a brake problem and describe the sound to him.“It makes a chk-chk-chk-chk-chk when you press the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-74242684722600781132008-03-17T06:28:00.000-07:002008-03-17T03:28:14.932-07:00

Lori BorgmanI’m not one who routinely reads the obituaries. I am never the one who startles a group by saying, “Did you hear about –“or “Wasn’t it a shame -“ I am always the one who gasps when someone else breaks the news.But I was in Missouri recently, paging through the Kansas City Star, when an obituary demanded my attention. It was the story of a husband and wife in their 90s. They had been

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-12042866369870531922008-03-10T10:00:00.001-07:002008-03-09T08:58:27.200-07:00

Lori BorgmanWith everyone watching their calories, cholesterol, fats, carbs and proteins these days, planning a dinner party is no easy task. We have been trying to plan one for several weeks and have come to an impasse. Either we ditch the menu or lose the guests. It all started when I reminded the husband that we needed to have the Surgoods and the Fossnagels over for dinner.“Sounds

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-32660008091287552852008-03-05T08:35:00.000-08:002008-03-05T05:37:29.751-08:00

Lori BorgmanFor a nation of citizens who pride themselves on individuality, it’s hard to figure out why so many of us own black suitcases.It doesn’t matter where we’re going or where we’re from, chances are we’re dragging a wheeled black suitcase behind us.The little black bag is to the airline traveler what the little black dress is to the cocktail hour.The black suitcase may be the one thing

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-26350609352729916342008-02-25T08:09:00.000-08:002008-02-25T05:09:11.014-08:00

Lori BorgmanWith life growing more complicated at an accelerated pace, it is no wonder that even the simple act of waving now requires explanation.The youngest daughter and I are driving on a country road when a pick-up truck approaches. The driver waves and I wave back. It is classic rural America; a wave, the blur of a passing vehicle and a trail of dust.““Does Dad know about this?” my

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-70891758669576770402008-02-18T08:02:00.000-08:002008-02-18T05:02:20.920-08:00

Lori BorgmanThere are times when you simply need to break out of the mold, raise the bar and swing from a star. You know, use real cream in your coffee instead of that non-fat stuff. End a sentence with a preposition. Leave the drive-through without waiting for your 3 cents change.Or maybe read Google’s instructions on “How to Walk Like a Diva.”What gal can’t use a new spring in her step?You

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-23578941163282575682008-02-11T20:28:00.000-08:002008-02-11T17:28:32.792-08:00

Lori BorgmanIt is a luxury I will die without: the $18 Rachael Ray garbage bowl.Rachel Ray is the cute-as-a-button girl-next-door with the wildly successful “30-Minute Meals” shows. She also has a daytime talk show, a slug of cookbooks, cookware galore and now, her very own garbage bowl.Who knew that the pinnacle of success would be having your name attached to a garbage bowl?I’m pretty sure we’

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-31298340930721530282008-02-04T11:17:00.000-08:002008-02-04T08:50:52.246-08:00

Lori BorgmanMy mother once called and told me to never again write her in longhand. She said, “Your writing is atrocious, Toni.”“My name is Lori,” I said. “You ought to know that, you’re my mother.”"Well, on this card you sent it looks like Toni. And your aunt called to say she got a thank you note from your address, but it was signed by someone named Tom. She wants to know why she wasn’t told

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-28089585421517910502008-01-28T08:46:00.000-08:002008-01-28T08:47:37.277-08:00

Lori BorgmanLike the man says, life comes at you fast. These days a wedding isn’t over before the photographer is already showing the wedding photos.We were at a wedding recently and admired framed wedding photos of the bride and groom’s parents and grandparents displayed on a table in the foyer before we were ushered into the sanctuary.When we came out of the sanctuary, a framed 8-by-10 of the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-25892326012007916642008-01-21T14:36:00.000-08:002008-01-21T11:36:33.952-08:00

Lori BorgmanThe more computers do for me, the less I do for myself.Our son and his wife purchased one of those cool GPS systems for their car. They gave us a demo by slapping it on our dashboard and plugging it into the cigarette lighter. A voice prompt, along with a little yellow arrow on a small computer screen, showed exactly where to go.I want one. I could use one.Yet, if we get one, there

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-25109796454235692008-01-14T05:02:00.000-08:002008-01-14T05:04:36.784-08:00

Lori BorgmanMy hairdresser has moved to Japan. Considering how hard it is to get a good haircut, I may follow her.Every woman knows a bad haircut costs more than the dollar amount you pay at the front counter. I have a friend who claims there are three phases to a bad haircut.Phase one: Despair. You can’t believe you just sat there and let it happen. (Been there, done that, got the bangs to prove

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-69445853695743953132008-01-07T05:11:00.000-08:002008-01-07T05:12:41.111-08:00

Lori BorgmanCapuchin monkeys have been playing a “no-fair” game at Emory University.Researchers trained the monkeys to take a small rock and hand it to a human in exchange for a reward. If all the monkeys received the same reward, a slice of cucumber, everything was cool. If some received cucumbers and some received grapes, the monkeys screamed, "No-fair!" (although it sounded a lot more like "

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-54981184093009393292007-12-31T08:49:00.000-08:002007-12-31T05:49:54.957-08:00

Lori BorgmanYou missed one. Yes, you. You missed a gift. I know, you put the tree away, the menorah back on the shelf and vacuumed up the pine needles, but I’m telling you that you missed one. And it’s a big one, too.You’ve never had one exactly like this one. Oh you may have had one that looked similar, but there’s no way it could have been an exact duplicate.Is it your size? Yes and no. Some

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-43006418387652938292007-12-23T15:14:00.000-08:002007-12-23T15:16:37.976-08:00

Lori BorgmanTrue story: Two 3-year-old boys arrived early at preschool and began playing when my friend heard what sounded like an argument. They came to her holding the baby Jesus from a crèche the children were allowed to play with. The first boy said, “Who is this?”“Well, it’s baby Jesus,” the teacher said.The other little boy puckered up, started to cry and said, ”I thought it was baby God!”

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-38652445440150717852007-12-17T08:35:00.000-08:002007-12-17T08:37:12.307-08:00

Lori BorgmanI struggle with poor elf-esteem at holiday time. Blame it on the Christmas that the dog attacked my Susie Smart doll. Or the year I realized Santa smelled a lot like Aqua Velva and my Uncle Ron. Or the gross commercialization of a holy day.My elf-esteem plummets with predictability each November. The grocery store yanks down the bittersweet and tosses out the pumpkins before the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-18397340026908946502007-12-11T10:52:00.000-08:002007-12-16T16:50:16.127-08:00

Lori BorgmanI know it is the season of good cheer, but I can’t get a little girl named TaJanay Bailey off my mind. A lot of people can’t.She was a brown-eyed Indianapolis toddler that should have been watching Sesame Street and naming stuffed animals.She was beaten to death, allegedly, by her mother and her mother’s live-in boyfriend. They are charged with beating her, smacking her, whipping her

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-30227099428827733272007-12-04T06:36:00.000-08:002007-12-04T06:38:07.653-08:00

Lori BorgmanIt may not be long before I find myself applying for membership in the meat cutters union. I have been getting phone calls from the newly married daughter with some regularity between 5 and 7 several evenings a week.There’s always something you forget to tell them when you launch them, isn’t there? I thought I’d covered the bases by explaining the power of compounded interest, parking

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-6164993184636128082007-11-28T05:49:00.000-08:002007-11-28T05:50:19.296-08:00

Lori BorgmanJust because I’m winking at you doesn’t mean I think you’re cute. It means I have a new contact lens. That’s right. Just one.Who can afford two? Putting kids through college isn’t cheap.I finally got fed up with hunting down glasses each time I wanted to read something.One day, I thought, what I really need is to shove my reading glasses right into my eyes. Then it dawned on me, they’

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-75103489514300272442007-11-19T07:10:00.000-08:002007-11-19T05:00:46.275-08:00

Lori BorgmanPut your hands in the air and back away from the green bean casseroleI don't know how it happened, but I suddenly find myself surrounded by Thanksgiving food purists. Armed purists -- they wield knives, forks, soup spoons and a crème brulee torch.You know that green bean casserole? The one that women have been hauling to the table in a 9x13 for years, the one with canned mushroom soup

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-8811118364353022872007-11-15T12:33:00.000-08:002007-11-15T12:35:39.313-08:00

Lori BorgmanI have been looking at wedding pictures online. That's how it's done these days. Photographers post digital images on Web sites before champagne glasses clink at the first toast.They are pictures of radiant couples who became moms and dads before they became husbands and wives. They were recently married as part of the second Marry Your Baby Daddy Day.(Their pictures and quotes are at

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-76127023199910824812007-11-06T07:07:00.000-08:002007-11-06T04:10:57.173-08:00

Lori BorgmanNow that the kids are gone, we find ourselves breaking a lot of the house rules.We don’t always put our dirty dishes directly into the dishwasher. Sometimes we let them pile up in the sink and get hard and crusty overnight.I occasionally hang in the refrigerator, letting the cold air escape while watching that little white bulb burn for no apparent reason. There’s something about

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-27784902193655380052007-10-31T13:36:00.000-07:002007-10-31T13:37:49.200-07:00

Lori BorgmanI was thinking how it’s getting harder and harder to scare ourselves these days. We’ve become numb, what with all the grizzly criminal-investigation shows on television and the gruesome slasher movies. Then I went to the mailbox and pulled out my first envelope from AARP.I screamed like Janet Leigh in “Psycho.”Who needs the Headless Horseman when you have reality?I have always scared

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-42109752646337239062007-10-23T06:37:00.000-07:002007-10-23T06:39:58.014-07:00

Lori BorgmanA friend has long said her objection to movers and shakers is that they’re always movin’ and shakin’ somebody else. I thought about that when I read about county officials trying to keep doughnuts out of a senior center near Mahopac, New York. Officials say they instituted the ban on baked goods out of concern for seniors’ health.If they’re old enough to be called seniors, they’re old

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-40316752778194594072007-10-16T19:05:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:10.527-08:00

Lori BorgmanI have always gotten along well with insects due to a mutual understanding: They stay outside the house and I let them live. They come inside the house and, well, it’s not pretty.A swarm of wasps tested this understanding by building a nest in a gray zone – in the casing between an interior window and a storm window.Technically, they were not actually in the house, but they were close

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-80742971683438149182007-10-09T06:42:00.000-07:002007-10-09T06:46:41.601-07:00

Lori BorgmanWith two of our kids recently married, people ask if I am anxious to become a grandma. I tell them, no, I am quite content being a dog-ma.You are a dog-ma when your married son and daughter-in-law treat their mutt like a kid. It gives you a small glimpse as to what kind of parents they might one day be.They found the dog at a Chicago pound. He had no hair on his tail due to a thyroid

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-43263593890536479622007-10-02T08:02:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:10.674-08:00

Lori BorgmanA 13-year-old Australian girl is making waves as the lead model wearing women’s clothing in one of the world’s largest fashion shows. Personally, I think they should have given the job to a toddler. A pudgy one. One with meat on her thighs, flabby arms and a bit of a tummy.Hanging women’s clothes on a shape like that would be a lot closer to reality than hanging them on a willowy

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-68667429358500320812007-09-24T09:27:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:10.842-08:00

Lori BorgmanSo I am chatting with a man and ask if what I hear is true, that his son has joined the military.“Yes,” he says. “He’s a Marine.”“Congratulations,” I say. “You must be very proud.”We chat a bit longer, not much, and ready to say good-bye, when he says, “You know, you just said something very interesting.”“What’s that?” I ask.“About my son,” he says. “You said, ‘Congratulations, you

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-80578154035727172002007-09-18T06:30:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:11.199-08:00

Lori BorgmanThere are some challenges a man just can’t resist. Let the records show that the husband took his stand with a chocolate dip cone in the year 2007, A.D.We are on our way to an upscale affair an hour out of town. The husband is wearing his good suit pants, a crisp white shirt and a tie, and has his suit coat in the backseat with plans to put it on once we arrive.If there are stages of

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-44062120156293268872007-09-12T21:04:00.000-07:002007-09-12T18:10:06.212-07:00

Lori BorgmanFor generations, it has been considered the epitome of loneliness – isolated, shunned, tossed to the back of the dresser drawer – the sock without a match.Pity the sock that becomes separated from its mate. Pity the sock that says farewell to its match in the overflow of the washer or is sucked into a black hole by the exhaust vent in the dryer.Well, pity the stray sock no more. Say

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-33183430453895216262007-09-02T20:04:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:11.369-08:00

Lori BorgmanI am working at the computer, in a room that is a cool 72 degrees, thanks to air-conditioning. I mention this because it is 90-something outside. With matching humidity. It is sweltering. Suffocating. The air is “close” as my father-in-law would say.The lawn has browned to a crisp, the impatiens have gone limp and the grasshoppers are having a blast.I have just returned from a run to

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-62219684656514160212007-08-28T10:51:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:11.736-08:00

Lori BorgmanHey there, college freshman. Could I have a minute of your time? This is your mother speaking. There’s something you need to know as you settle in and acclimate to college life: Not everybody is doing it -- drinking to get drunk.You’ve probably already seen the pamphlets, posters in the hall, and colorful flyers on the tables in the dining hall on responsible drinking.You may even be

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-83843656624035284692007-08-21T16:04:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:11.926-08:00

Lori BorgmanWe have just returned from a weekend at the Chicago condo that the son and daughter-in-law are renovating. The only thing that didn’t beep, buzz, ring, glow, flash or stay continually connected to cyberspace was the husband and myself.You ring a buzzer to get into the building. They flick the television to channel 3 to see who is in the lobby, then punch a code into a cell phone to

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-76696775227561664792007-08-13T18:33:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:12.235-08:00

Lori BorgmanThere is nothing like a phone message from the fraud department of your credit -card company to heighten paranoia.As I returned the message, it dawned on me the caller from the fraud department might be a fraud, too.The phone rang and an automated prompt asked for my credit card number. Then the alleged fraud agent answered and asked for my card number.“But I just gave my credit card

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-38870882396353845172007-08-07T17:09:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:12.420-08:00

Lori BorgmanWe have been nipping and tucking our faces, chests and thighs for so long, it is only logical that we now turn the scalpel to the derriere.A young woman was on one of those plastic surgery shows complaining that her perky parts weren’t perky enough, her thin parts weren’t thin enough and her curvy parts weren’t curvy enough.Hey, who hasn’t felt the pull of gravity? My knees are now

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-68324553059101961392007-07-30T20:11:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:12.429-08:00

Lori BorgmanI have always been too impatient to appreciate golf. For me, it is a sport that is too slow and too quiet. Besides that, no one ever knocks anyone else down.If you ever find me parked in front of a television watching golf, you can be sure I must be severely depressed.Mark Twin said, “Golf is a good walk spoiled.”So now I’ve irritated all the readers who love golf. Well, hold on,

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-30876364911082153852007-07-24T09:32:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:12.600-08:00

Lori BorgmanShould you ever decide to help your daughter bake her own wedding cake, the first thing you should know is that a deluxe Scrabble board on a swivel stand will not spin while holding the weight of a four-layer 12-inch cake. No, not even if you center it on a triple-word-score.The second thing you should know is how to deactivate the alarm system of your neighbor’s house before the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-38818604172234379402007-07-17T08:47:00.000-07:002007-07-17T08:47:06.477-07:00

Lori BorgmanWhen we loaded the car and left Dad’s place, he insisted we take four hot dog buns, three brat buns and seven hamburger buns home with us. It’s not easy living single in an eight-buns-to-a-bag world.We are engineered for multiples. Table for two, booth for four, eight buns to a bag.“What’s one person going to do with eight hamburger buns?” Dad exclaims. He asks this every time we come

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-17960166019874769402007-07-10T18:17:00.000-07:002007-07-10T18:17:12.973-07:00

Lori BorgmanWhen someone tells you something is good news, bad news, it is always bad news.A technician checking our dishwasher, included in a massive recall, said, “Good news, bad news. Your dishwasher won’t catch fire, but you have a pump leak that has spread under your vinyl floor.”Two days later, an insurance adjustor and a contractor peel back the flooring, exposing a thick, black, smelly

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-67284345392914300492007-07-02T09:28:00.000-07:002007-07-02T07:29:41.964-07:00

Lori BorgmanHere it is, the pinnacle of summer, The Fourth of July. All the other days are plain old heat and humidity.This is when we do it up big -- flags, parades, cannons, “The 1812 Overture,” cookouts followed by fireworks exploding across the skies. We thump our chests and brag without apology: We are the United States of America.We are a nation founded on intellect and ideas, and a

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-62850152991505803582007-06-26T05:05:00.000-07:002007-06-26T05:06:45.582-07:00

Lori BorgmanWhen we had our taxes figured, our accountant mentioned his daughter was getting married this summer. He said the rental cost for chairs alone was approaching several thousand dollars.He explained the guests would need chairs by the Canal Plaza where the ceremony would be, and then they would need chairs inside where the reception would be. Our accountant’s idea - and granted he’s a

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-75961823644470593232007-06-19T09:40:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:12.842-08:00

Lori BorgmanWhen Paris Hilton puts out a book about doing time, it’s sure to be a best-seller. Right up there with the Alec Baldwin “Guide to Parenting” and Sheryl Crow’s “Toilet Training Manual: A Square a Day Keeps the Health Department Away.”No doubt there will be a multi-million dollar contract and a working title like “The Simple Life Behind Bars."A friend asked, if she were arrested for a

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-14053462036003640552007-06-12T17:58:00.001-07:002008-12-10T06:07:12.991-08:00

Lori BorgmanSome people relieve stress by deep breathing, going to a spa, or watching fish swim in an aquarium. My brother says raising chickens is the way to reduce stress.In March, he purchased six fluffy pullets that arrived in a cardboard box with holes punched in the top -- three Rhode Island Reds and three Buff Orpingtons.He wanted only four, so he ordered two extra and that way if –

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-52815801547228746922007-06-05T12:03:00.000-07:002007-06-05T09:01:48.573-07:00

Lori BorgmanFew things are as disconcerting as Hollywood offering to help parent the kids. Their latest gesture is a day late and a pack short.In case you missed it, the people who rate the movies are cracking down. On what, you ask: Unnecessary violence? Slasher films? Casual sex? No. On cigarettes. Gonna snuff those babies out under a hard-soled shoe.Films with “glamorized smoking” or “

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-19370060842315358142007-05-29T13:22:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:13.144-08:00

Lori BorgmanA British environmentalist group has declared that children are bad for the planet.The paraphernalia that accompanies babies from the hospital ought to have been their first clue. It’s a wonder babies aren’t declared bio-hazards from the get-go.You have disposable diapers for those messy eruptions on the bottom half and soft washcloths for volcanic explosions on the top half.You have

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-40562131191995071442007-05-22T07:32:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:13.237-08:00

Lori BorgmanI fall faster than a wobbly soufflé for each and every one of those cooking shows. I don’t know if the draw is the soothing background music, the sinks that never hold a tower of dirty dishes or the well coiffed cooks with the French-tipped nails. No matter what they are cooking, it looks wonderful.Take Paula Deen. The woman could whip up a batch of fritters made with canned dog food

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-29225274622386477472007-05-17T19:51:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:13.484-08:00

Lori BorgmanThe closest a lot of kids get to nature these days is watching an animated movie about penguins in an air-conditioned theater while eating buttered popcorn.Many of them will grow up thinking a worm is something that infects the computer and that a weed is part of the drug education program.I just finished a book about rescuing children who suffer from nature-deficit disorder. Nature

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-75656925890986044162007-05-09T08:11:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:13.687-08:00

Lori BorgmanLast week a newscaster excitedly introduced an expert who could – and I quote -- “HELP GET YOUR BRAIN BACK!” Talk about timely. I was just getting ready to send out a search party.I’d like my brain back, all right. The left half, the right half, the part that remembers my glasses, my car keys, the punch line to the joke I heard yesterday, and where I put the coupons I just had in my

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-23815956487593154392007-05-02T05:28:00.001-07:002008-12-10T06:07:13.959-08:00

Lori BorgmanUSA Today is reporting that Kelly Ripa’s bellybutton was airbrushed from an outie to an innie for the cover of Shape magazine. It’s good to know, isn’t it? I know I’ll sleep better tonight.America Ferrera, the star of “Ugly Betty” the popular television show that stresses internal beauty more than external beauty, has had a royal makeover for her cover spot on W magazine.They gave the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-16575538487362280282007-04-25T06:28:00.001-07:002008-12-10T06:07:14.161-08:00

Lori BorgmanThere is a word we fancy ourselves too sophisticated to use today. We’re too evolved, too progressive, too educated, too intellectual, too therapeutic. It is a word some find offensive, insensitive and controversial. That word is -- evil.Evil was the word that came to mind as news of the mass murder at Virginia Tech began crossing the television screen.Evil was the word formed by the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-58637022383572214732007-04-18T10:16:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:14.326-08:00

Lori BorgmanIf you have never been kicked, thrashed or jabbed in your sleep by your bed partner, you might not be able to relate to this one.We have overnight guests, which has forced the two early-twenty-something daughters, home for the weekend, to share a double bed. Around 2 a.m., the younger sister, having a particularly vivid dream, punches her older sister in the head.The sister who was

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-61278228331826790422007-04-11T08:45:00.000-07:002008-12-10T06:07:14.609-08:00

Lori BorgmanThere are blatant inequities when it comes to wedding attire for males and females. Men do not try on tux after tux, tossing them over the fitting room door with sighs of exasperation, rejecting cummerbunds five, 10 and 20 at a time, vowing to give up carbs and try Pilates.Men walk into a formalwear store, have a few strategic measurements taken and return the day before the wedding

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-74239911119344702242007-04-02T12:56:00.001-07:002008-12-10T06:07:14.841-08:00

Lori BorgmanI have always felt a tad sorry for children named Christian.Don’t get me wrong. Christian is a wonderful name. It just seems like it could add extra pressure to everyday life.Whenever we would have a mess of kids playing in the backyard, voices would often drift in through the kitchen window and I’d hear things like “Don’t hit, Christian!” or “Stop that, Christian.”If it had been a

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-75558952503539994942007-03-28T06:40:00.000-07:002007-03-28T06:46:03.402-07:00

Lori BorgmanIt’s hard to know what to fear the most – stifling a sneeze, germs on the remote control or teaching a child to walk. So many dangers, so little time.Recently, a notice arrived concerning germs on the handles of grocery store shopping carts. The group spreading the fear was tickled pink that the Arkansas State Senate passed a bill encouraging stores to provide free sanitary wipes for

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-20765651432381565772007-03-20T08:35:00.001-07:002008-12-10T06:07:15.139-08:00

Lori BorgmanThe kid who has insisted on naming our cars for years, the same kid we told to cool it for years, has been vindicated.According to an Associated Press – AOL poll, 20 percent of all drivers give nicknames to their cars.Whoa, Betsy!Actually, Betsy is the No. 1 nickname, followed by Nelly, Blue and Baby.We may have named a few of our vehicles, but they were names like, “Money Pit,” and “

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-21438276484995516722007-03-13T04:48:00.001-07:002008-12-10T06:07:15.386-08:00

Lori BorgmanWe had our children too early. We should have waited until now, when it is fashionable to hire “night nurses.”A night nurse comes into the home from 9 or 10 at night until 6 in the morning to tend to the baby so that the parents can, well, sleep like babies.My brother-in-law is questioning this idea, even suggesting to one such couple who hired a night nurse that parenthood, like

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-6264216782069489642007-03-06T23:47:00.000-08:002008-12-10T06:07:15.538-08:00

Lori BorgmanAs a mother, I have had occasion to dress chickens, salads, children and a husband – “No, not that tie, that tie!” And now I am learning to dress the bed.Dressing the bed is a phenomenon touted by the home fashion mavens. One no longer simply makes a bed, dah-ling, one dresses a bed.Dressing a bed is sure to excite the male population almost as much as those tiny fingertip towels and

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-14644928907913302702007-02-26T19:45:00.000-08:002008-12-10T06:07:15.805-08:00

Lori BorgmanOur social life may have hit a new Friday night low. One of us (I won’t say who, but it’s not me) now looks forward to watching a show on the Animal Planet about meerkats. (A meerkat is a mongoose that looks to be half cat and half weasel and walks on its hind legs).In this other person’s defense, this animal show is part reality TV and part “Desperate Housewives.”Meet the Meerkats of

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-43362343815595905022007-02-20T12:36:00.000-08:002008-12-10T06:07:16.014-08:00

Lori BorgmanWhen you have 60 passengers in an airplane idling on a snowed-packed runway for two hours, it would seem the last thing you’d want to do is start handing out bottled water.But, hey, what do I know? I’m the mother who used to tell thirsty kids on a long trip to save their spit and swallow it.And what do I know -- I’m also the one who didn’t think it was necessary to chew out the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-15437009713462058692007-02-12T19:17:00.000-08:002008-12-10T06:07:16.294-08:00

Lori BorgmanAlas, there is sweet news for the season of love -- holding hands is back in style. Not that the practice of holding hands ever went completely out of style.Politicians have long held their spouses’ hands at victory celebrations. Stars routinely hold hands when they sashay across the runway, and newlyweds almost always hold hands once the minister pronounces them husband and wife and

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1170695880983087252007-02-05T12:14:00.000-08:002007-02-05T09:18:01.003-08:00

Lori BorgmanWhen our children were little, they would often ask for things, and we would often say no. We would tell them that there was a long-lost beatitude that said, “Blessed are the parents who are broke, for they have reason to tell their kids no.” We weren’t really broke, but with one parent at home, we did live on a tight budget. Our missing beatitude somehow made sense to the children,

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1170258488661100712007-01-31T10:43:00.000-08:002007-01-31T07:48:08.676-08:00

Lori BorgmanI just finished reading another piece chastising the brutish behavior of the judges on “American Idol” when I begin toying with the idea of making a run for it myself. In keeping with the times, I like to call it my exploratory committee.“What do you think about me auditioning for ‘American Idol?’” I casually ask the husband.He drops his newspaper, peers over the top of his reading

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1169475553039956192007-01-22T09:16:00.000-08:002007-01-24T05:17:41.986-08:00

Lori BorgmanWe have a serious natural resource shortage today, and it’s not oil, coal or natural gas. It’s class, more specifically a shortage of females who know how to use the wiles of their sexuality.I recently came across a replay of Hugh Hefner’s 80th birthday party on TV. I watched for a few minutes the same way you would watch a train wreck or liposuction on the Discovery Channel. Hefner

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1168961338097052412007-01-16T10:06:00.000-08:002007-01-16T07:28:58.113-08:00

Lori BorgmanThe college kid was home, opened a piece of mail addressed to her and began jumping up and down with excitement.“I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it” she shouted. “I got one! I finally got one!“What is it?” I asked.“Guess!” she says, still jumping up and down.“A check from Publisher’s Clearing House?” I ask, preparing to jump up and down myself.“No,” she says, now clutching the

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1166015272806772072006-12-13T08:04:00.000-08:002006-12-13T05:07:52.823-08:00

Lori BorgmanIf you like hearing yourself called “Mom” or “Dad,” you might want to get it on tape. Those days may be rapidly disappearing. In Spain, all birth certificates have been changed from listing “Mother” and “Father” to “Progenitor A” and “Progenitor B.”The old classic “Daddy’s Little Girl” now becomes, “You’re the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold, you’re Progenitor B’s little girl to

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1165405724298096122006-12-06T06:39:00.000-08:002006-12-06T03:48:44.323-08:00

Lori BorgmanYou don’t normally think of the engineers who design the interstate system as a knee-slapping, hoot-‘n-holler, farcical bunch, but I’m betting they have a lot of laughs. Consider the following: The oldest daughter and I are in the western suburbs of Chicago with the intention of reaching downtown in rush hour. If we had entered this trip into Mapquest it would have returned a page

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1164711474907006182006-11-28T05:55:00.000-08:002006-11-28T02:57:54.920-08:00

Lori BorgmanThe evolution of words fascinates me. Absolutely! Love it! I like to keep a running list in my head of the hip words I hear young people using, although my personal hip factor runs years behind the curve. For example, did you catch that “Absolutely! Love it!” business in the first paragraph? That is totally hip right now. One caveat though: You need to say it with energy -- like you

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1161136210793606522006-10-17T18:45:00.000-07:002006-10-17T18:50:10.810-07:00

Lori BorgmanIf my bulging e-mail inbox is in any way a remote reflection of the current state of reality, there is nothing more difficult in the entire world of parenting than potty training. No other phase of parenting, not the birth, the braces, the eye glasses, the orthodontia, the talk, the teen years, competitive sports, even the college application itself is so heavily scrutinized, analyzed

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1160567787964745722006-10-11T07:59:00.000-07:002006-10-11T04:56:27.976-07:00

Lori BorgmanThe only sensation stranger than watching your children move away from home is watching them move your belongings with them.The first time we visited our son’s place I said, “Hey, I used to have kitchen towels like that. We must have the same taste in kitchen towels.”He just smiled.“I used to have a bowl like that one, too,” I said. “And measuring cups like yours. And hot pads.”He

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1159966202048968032006-10-04T08:45:00.000-07:002006-10-04T05:50:02.066-07:00

Lori BorgmanApparently, the pimp-my-ride craze is now hitting grocery carts. A New Zealand firm is test-marketing brightly colored plastic shopping carts designed for children. Each cart seats two, has a top-load overhead storage bin and comes with small a DVD player in the dashboard. The TV Kart, which resembles a cage (one would hope that is purely coincidental), offers Barney, The Wiggles and

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12389539.post-1159357733161265182006-09-27T07:43:00.000-07:002006-09-27T04:48:53.176-07:00

Lori BorgmanI was never one to believe the older women.The older women are the ones who stop you in public when you have children younger than theirs and offer free advice.Once I was in an elevator and an older woman said the baby was too hot wrapped in a quilted bunting. Hmmphf. How would she know the baby was too hot? If anybody would know it would be me, the baby’s mother.When I took the baby

Lori B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/06787849167256307074noreply@blogger.com